24
by Childish Sadism
Summary: Life was such a joke. He was the good guy, the nice guy, the role model. So why did he feel like the bad guy. Spideypool.


I bought seven jars of nutella and now I'm down to four, fuck this gay life.

* * *

"Why are you so angry? I am just worried Peter."

The words echo in his head, like a distant voice that is trying to crawl its way into his brain. He wasn't sure why he was even going to try to defend himself, like he had done countless times. But he also couldn't bring himself to give up. To throw away everything he wanted and desired just because it wasn't logical, it was stupid and it angered him. It pissed him off and filled him with rage he couldn't remember feeling in so long. How long ago was it, that he had been this angry?

"I'm angry because I always have you people questioning my choices. Especially mine. I know you guys complain about everyone but in the end you allow everyone to do what they must and believe is best. Logan is killing people and causing havoc but all he needs to say is that it was necessary and what he needed to do and you all just shut your mouth and let him be! Me? I do something that is even slightly different from my usual routine and everyone just crawls up my ass and questions everything about me!"

He shouldn't be this frustrated. He was good at controlling himself and dealing with his double life. But spider-man had become who he was, it was no longer spider-man and Peter Parker, no, his alter ego was taking up his whole life. Who he was no longer mattered as long as he was capable of performing his duties.

After all, who would question spider-man's morals. The hero that couldn't even bring himself to heartlessly beat his enemies. He couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to do it. Spider-man couldn't harm people, he couldn't will himself to do it. If people wanted to harm themselves and destroy themselves he would allow them to do it. That was their problem, that was their life and their choices. He was going to have nothing to do with it. Life was a tough road, and if you take the wrong turn you can find yourself falling down a hole that you can never crawl out of. The teen knew this and that was the reason why he would try to avoid any dark pathway that his life was willing to offer him...because he knew, he knew very well, he wasn't going to be able to crawl out either.

He was not a miracle worker. He was not savior. He was just a teenager, wearing a suit and trying to help people. Because it was the right thing to do, because it was what he wanted to do. It was what made him, who he was. Right?

"Then why would you even consider someone like _him_."

The word was spat out like poison and Peter wondered why they hated him so much. Deadpool was far from a role model. He was cruel, sadistic, ill, mental, had a crude sense of humor and found destruction and vanity wonderful. He was a mercenary, he got paid to do dirty jobs and that was the end of it. But he also tried...he did try, to be good, as good as he could be. He wanted to be a hero, but he also hated the idea of being like most heroes. All he truly wanted was for people to see that he wasn't as insane as they showed him to be, and he also wanted acceptance. That was all. Nothing else. Everyone could go fuck themselves if they didn't like him, but at least he wanted acknowledgment.

But even Peter wound find himself questioning why he was with him. How things came to be.

"You don't know what you are doing, sooner or later everyone is going to find out and they are going to question you and who you are. Because Spider-man would never even consider giving Deadpool a second glance. He is beneath your morals and he is beneath anything you struggle to protect. Your ideals, your perfect life and who you want to become. "

It was the truth. But at the same time, how could he be so egotistic to believe that someone that struggled so much was beneath him. What would his uncle think of him? He was not above anyone, he was not some kind of beacon of morals. He just tried to follow what he thought was right, but he wasn't about to force people into believing and living the way he did.

It didn't matter. Deadpool was the one stain in his life, wasn't he? Was he above him? Was he really? He was, he told himself that, and he made sure to tell Deadpool and the other...the other just seem to accept it, like it was a fact nobody could even discuss. He beat down on him and made himself look like the unreachable good. How could he do that? How could he do that to anybody.

It was disgusting.

"He is disgusting, isn't he? We all have seen it. Poor guy, some guinea pig he turned out to be and a flawed one to top it all up. He wasn't even cured, they just made it worse for him and then they used him and used him until he was no longer any good. Or maybe he made them stop, nobody truly knows."

Was it pity? Was that the reason why he was with Deadpool. No, he had felt pity before. He had felt pity for Eddie and it was completely different. It was not pity, he felt good around Wade. He did. But why? Maybe being around him made him feel better about himself, because no matter how much he hit rock bottom, he could never get that bad, right? He could never be like that.

Stop it. You can't think like this, it wasn't him. How could he seriously think about having a relationship with someone just because it made him feel superior. He couldn't. It was repulsive.

"Very repulsive. He actually thinks you like him. Isn't that funny? The great Spider-man is actually with him and wants to be with him. What a pile of shit. No one in the avengers wants anything to do with him, but good old spidey is willing to risk his reputation for him. What an endearing situation. How thoughtful, how nice. So nice."

The teen heard himself groaning, almost in pain by the idea of fooling someone like this. It was so wrong. He was so angry with himself. He wasn't supposed to be angry with him but everyone else but he forgot why. Why was he upset about them.

Because they would always question him. That's right. They always will. Because Wade was someone that Spider-man should never, ever consider being with. He was upset with himself because he wasn't able to defend the relationship, instead he kept it hidden, in the closet, where no one would ever find it. He was never seen with Deadpool, he wouldn't allow that to happen. Ever.

He was afraid of what could happen if people found out. He was embarrassed over the idea of people finding out and it made him such a horrible person. He was terrible. For the first time he was truly embarrassed about who he was. It wasn't fair.

"That's what you get for playing with fire. You got burnt. You are fucked. The moment the avengers find out, you are out of the team. But that's okay, you can go and hang out at Wade's apartment and be his little cock-sucking whore. It was enough to make you throw everything you work for out the window, wasn't it?"

No, he couldn't allow for that to happen either.

Breathe, just breathe.

"If this was the Black Widow, if it was Logan, if it was the Captain, you know very well, that nobody would give a shit. But it's you Spidey, it's because it's YOU. Not because they hate you, not because they want you out but because YOU shouldn't do something like that. You, Peter Parker, should never hang out with scum. Even less suck their dicks or have them fuck you. What a nasty little thing you turned out to be."

The teen could feel his brain pounding against his skull. Why was he torturing himself like this. It was doubt. He was afraid. He was so scared of what was going to happen when people found out. It was such a heavy weight on his shoulders. Like he was betraying everyone for doing this, for feeling this.

He wanted everyone to go away and for everything to just stop and disappear, but that was not going to happen. No. The day Spider-man had an easy way out was going to be the day everyone decided that they suddenly loved Deadpool. In other words, it was never, ever going to happen. He was screwed.

"Honestly, there is nothing to see in him. Just let it go. Destroy that relationship, get rid of it. You won't lose anything, right? There is nothing to lose. Is not like he is worth the risk, is not like he is worth much. Pathetic, self-destructive, crazy, violent, masochist and a murderer."

The bitterness in that voice sounded so familiar. It reminded him of venom. The time they were one. When Peter was able to see that he wasn't such a good person after all. During that time he was able to realize that just like everyone else, he had a dark side to hide and it was very dark.

The feelings he suppressed, the feelings he kept hidden. All of it became clear when venom was in control, even when he was near he could remember them.

"_You are not better than us Parker." _

Those words would still echo through his head, even to this day.

"And you still stick around him, even though he brings the worst out of you. The nasty, disgusting thing you can become. Like when the symbiot had you. So disappointing, tragic even, that after all the effort you put into this, you are going to let it fall for a nasty, deformed man."

Shut up now please.

"Even worse, one that is insane and cannot be fixed. One that cannot die. The little fucker is going to stick to you until the end of time and the only thing you are going to do is pat his head as if he was a good dog, when you know better."

The headache was getting worse, he was sure he was going to faint from the pain.

"The great Spider-man ended up with the biggest scum on this planet. And he allows him to do whatever he wishes just because he promises to be good. What an idiot. He is dumb, he actually believes someone that fucked up can be good. Someone so dysfunctional can actually even an ounce of good. Face it tiger, you just hit rock bottom."

Everything happened so fast that Peter was not able to stop himself and realize what was happening. He only knew that he was punching the person right next to him and then pain spread through his hand. What he saw did not surprise him. How long had been hanging from the building? How long had he been staring at his reflection? He wasn't sure. His hand was now bleeding, broken glass stabbing the skin on his hand. He allowed himself to fall and then shot another web, his body swinging forward as he moved through the city, ignoring the increasing pain on his hand.

The teen was not surprised when he found himself crawling through the window of a very old, and messy looking apartment. The building itself was almost falling apart, and the apartments were not any better. The dry wall was dirty, the floors were old and cracked. But Peter ignored the disgusting look of the place, instead he went inside and landed on the cold tile of the bathroom floor. The only semi-clean looking place in besides the bedroom.

It was odd, how doing this routine had become so familiar. Like every single time, he open up the door and Deadpool was sitting there, playing his video games, or watching a series, sometimes he was fixing up his weapons or just sleeping. Tonight, he was watching a marathon of How I Met Your Mother.

Wade didn't even look away from the TV when Peter walked over and sat on the couch. The older male was sitting right in front of him on the floor, his hand holding onto the remote while the other one was lazily reaching for some chips from the bowl that was right next to him.

There was complete silence in between them. Awkward silence.

Peter knew that Wade was probably having a mental discussion with himself. That would always happen, after that he would forget that Peter was around unless the young teen reminded him.

"I gave you a key."

Wade finally broke the silence and Peter was glad he had done it.

"I know, but what's the fun in that. Plus, I can't just walk around in a neighborhood like this. I'm sure if I was spotted on the streets I would get shot in less than a second." The teen chuckled.

"True, true, very true. Or maybe you just like the idea of sneaking in and maybe catching me in the shower one day. I have to say, that would be pretty HOT but I don't know if I like the idea of doing it in my bathroom. It's too small, I'm sure we would break through the dry wall and then poor Mrs Johnson would have two naked men rolling into her living room." Deadpool sounds amused at the mere thought of this happening, almost like if he had it all planned out already.

Peter wants to laugh but instead finds himself just staring at the TV and then the room goes quiet again. The flickering in the TV distracts him, keeping him from just standing up and walking away. Why was he here at all. He should have gone home.

Time passes by, and he can hear Wade laughing at some of the jokes. How many episodes had he watched already? Keeping up with time was proving to be difficult for Peter today. He doesn't even notice when Deadpool finally stands up and turns around to look at him. He leans over and it isn't until he takes a hold of Peter's jaw and forces him to look at him that he realizes how long he had been spacing out.

"The fuck is wrong with you honey?" Deadpool sounds like his lip is arching upwards as he speaks, but Peter can never be sure because of the mask.

What exactly was wrong with him? Who knew. Peter wasn't sure himself. He watches as the mercenary keeps holding onto his jaw, tilting his head from one side to the other until Peter is the one that pulls away.

It was unexpected how Peter leaned in to press against the other, and of course what happened next was not a big surprise. The teen found himself on his knees, sucking and licking on the length in front of him. He was greedy too, not stopping for a second and forcing his body to function with the little air he was allowing it to get. Deadpool is holding onto his head, massaging the back of his head and his neck while being careful not to pull off the mask. The mercenary still did not know what Peter looked like. He didn't even know his real name.

But the teen was too busy with his mouth to even ponder about how fucked up this was. He couldn't stop himself. The idea of kneeling in such a disgusting floor would had brought shivers down his spine any other day, but not today. He was preoccupied with something else and that something else was blowing the mercenary that was now sitting on the couch with his legs spread open for the slim male to fit in between.

Wade wouldn't shut up even during sex, of course he wouldn't. But his usual jokes turn into dirty talk, his insults turned into embarrassing nicknames and his mocking tone turned into a hissing whisper. Name calling was his favorite thing to do, and Peter knew all of his nicknames already.

"Come on Sugar buns, you are a better cock sucker than that."

Peter ended up with cum all over his mask and face, it was like an accomplishment for Deadpool to do this every single time. He would never cum in the teen's mouth unless the other was on his hands and knees with his mouth wide open for him. Otherwise he would make sure to cum all over his face, he would rub the cum around the mask and mouth then, his fingers shoving inside and holding onto the slippery tongue, forcing it to taste his cum until he was satisfied.

It didn't end there. The teen sound found himself squatting on top of the older male, a thick cock buried deep inside of him as a pair of hands guided his hips. He was riding Wade's cock, his hands holding tightly on the shirt of his suit while his eyes were tightly closed. The mercenary didn't wait, he was thrusting his hips into the opening, knowing fully well that Peter was not ready but he wanted it to be like that. He wanted to fuck him even if he was not ready. He wanted those pain filled moans that wound soon turned into pleasure. It was disgustingly sadistic, but Peter never pulled away or even fought against it.

"How about this, if you don't ride my dick like a good slutty cow girl, then I get to fuck you outside. Not on top of a building either, any place I pick..." Wade snickered quietly as the teen began to move his hips faster and harder, bounding on top if his cock and taking in the whole length with every thrust. "That's more like it, all you needed was a little push. Now don't forget to moan like I know you want to, if I didn't know better I would say you have a wet cunt instead of a dick because of how horny you can get."

Peter once again lost track of time. He wasn't sure of how many times they did it but he could remember moving from the living room and into the bedroom. He woke up from his pleasure high an hour or so after they were done. Wade was half asleep, mumbling something about being hungry after so much sex. But Peter didn't move, he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep...he was too comfortable to move. He was worn out and tired, his hips were numb and his legs were even lightly shaking.

Still, he couldn't stop his head from running through everything that happened earlier that day. He was disgusting and a horrible person. He was terrible and was nothing but scum. Maybe that's why he didn't mind being with Deadpool, because in the end, sometimes, Spider-man felt like nothing but scum. It was only normal for him to be attracted to the same kind.

So who gave a shit. He could be just as horrible, he just chose not to, Deadpool on the other hand, picked to be himself and didn't give a crap about what anyone said. He was who he was and he enjoyed every minute of it, even if he wasn't as self-confident as other people, he was who he was and he had come to accept that.

Peter was never going to be able to do that, because he wasn't just Peter. He was Spider-man, and Spider-man was always going to be there to be the good guy, the nice guy, and the perfect role model. While keeping his demons in the closet and feeding off of them on the side, watching them grow and fester from the darkness in his mind. He could ignore them though, he could...because once in a while he would crawl through the mercenary's window and then, he could be free.

After all, everyone has secrets to keep.


End file.
